I don’t know about anyone else, but I’ve never had a long lasting stability in my mental health. The very moment that I think, “I’m good now. I know who I am and what I want. I’m in a good state of mind,” everything crashes. I become a mess again, “who am I? What am I doing with my life? Is this right? What does this mean?” And honestly it’s exhausting. When that happens, I go into a deep depressive mode in which any little thing can tick me off. I start to procrastinate everything, sleep in whenever I get the chance, get annoyed and irritated easily, have less and less energy and become unable to do the simplest daily tasks like brushing my teeth, I stay away from any kind of social interaction, and worst of all I very much hate myself. I hate every single ounce of me. I hate my very being. And it hurts and it’s sad. And if I don’t come out of this mode, things can go downhill very fast.
The truth is that there will never be a point in our lives that we go, “This is it. I’m forever in a good state of mind now.” Nope. Even if you haven’t experienced exactly what I have, you probably have had something similar. We as human beings are growing every second of everyday. We were meant to learn, experience, and be vulnerable. If you are not evolving towards becoming a better version of yourself EVERYDAY, then you’re not connected with your true destiny.
And the journey is hard. It’s frustrating, tiring, heartbreaking, hurtful, and so much more. But it’s also needed, fulfilling, joyful, prideful, and many other emotions.
You will need to take breaks. You will need those down days. And it’s tough getting through and out of them. The only way for me is to cry out and put a stop to it when it reaches a level too low. You gotta find what works for you. Everyone’s journey is different, we just have the similar core destiny of finding ourselves.
Not only are you serving yourself the fulfillment of being a conscious human being, but you’re also favoring the world around you and making it a better place by bettering yourself, which in my opinion is our duty for living in a society.
Take care.
Pegah Smiley 